Where I’ve Been

So yeah… I haven’t been around much. Not out with people, not online like I used to be.

It started back in April last year. I figured I’d bounce back quick. Reasonable timeline, back to normal, back to life. It turned into something longer.

Two herniated discs in my neck. Two more in my thoracic spine. A fractured pinky. Shoulder impingement. Post-concussion symptoms. And my speech… changed.

I stutter now. Certain words, certain sounds, things I never thought about for a second in my life, get stuck. Talking used to be automatic. Now it’s something I work at.

Then the migraines showed up around September. They went away for a while, then came back stronger.

And migraines aren’t always a headache. Sometimes it’s pressure in my head. Dizziness. Vertigo. Anxiety out of nowhere. Adrenaline surges, heart pounding, can’t sleep. I’ve been to the ER not knowing what was happening.

I’m not telling you this because I’m angry. I’m not. I’ve accepted where I am.

I’m in speech therapy twice a week. Six months, and that’s just the initial stage. I’ve got good people in my corner… professionals who know what they’re doing, family and friends who show up. I’m focused on the work in front of me.

The meds help. Some of them. Migraine meds, dizziness meds, nausea meds. Some days are better than others. Recovery isn’t a straight line, but I’m on it.

Where I Am Now

More than a year later, I’m still working through it.

Neck, spine, shoulder… still healing. Post-concussion symptoms, the migraine episodes, the dizziness… still managing. My speech is improving. Not where I want to be yet, but moving in the right direction.

The workers’ comp case is still going. Working through it with my lawyer while I focus on getting better.

The hardest part? You can’t see any of it.

I can look completely fine. Standing right in front of you, looking like nothing happened… while there’s pressure building in my head, the room won’t sit still, my heart is pounding, and the words just won’t come out right.

But this is happening to me, and I’m still living my life as best I can.

Most days I’m home. That’s just how it is right now. (Pokémon GO when I can. And this website? Built during all this time home… took a while, I worked on it when my health allowed.) But when my body lets me, I get out. I see my people. I do what I can do. And I move through all of it mindfully… listening to my body, knowing my limits, respecting them.

Life doesn’t stop. It just looks different for me at this point.